The No-Pairing-Off Challenge

I will not make myself a "couple" with another person. I respect our friendship too much.
I will bring the focus and the fun away from the "couples" in my group, providing a good time for everyone else who--like me-- feels uncomfortable.
I will develop healthy friendships with everyone, but save the special period of courtship for the time when I want to be married.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

How to Play Fugitive!

This is one of the funnest games I've ever played. It doesn't have to be a group date, it can just be a friend thing, but it would make one fun date! (But remember, no going off with only your date, that's dangerous.)

The point of the game is to run from one central place (ie a school) to another central place (ie local store) while other players--or parents :D -- chase the runners in cars. 
The rules are simple, no taking major roads, no cheating, runners get a several minute head start, and you must make it to your final destination in under 45 minutes. 
Fugitive games always take place at nighttime or anytime when it’s dark. Jumping into random yards, hiding in bushes, and trying to camouflage in shadows are the norm. 
The runners usually win as it only takes one runner to constitute a victory for the runners. 
The drivers typically have another person riding with them in the car. Their job is to jump out and tag the runner or call out his/her name if they are clearly identifiable. Once a runner is tagged or called out, they join the driver and ride in the car until the end of the game.

Pop Songs and True Love

In Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" she raises some interesting points. It's as if she takes society's idea of love and portrays it through phrases such as...
"Love's a game, wanna play?"
"Magic, madness, heaven, sin"
"I'm dyin' to see how this one ends."
"You can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain."
"Boys only want love if it's torture." 
 "It'll leave you breathless or with a nasty scar."  
But how do you want your relationship to be like? Do you really want it to be a "Hey, you're a guy (or a girl)! Lets see if we can live together and get along!"? Or do you want something you know could last forever?

I still listen to pop music, it's fun! But I try to recognize the messages that it's sending about love and combat that message.

So now, imagine your ideal relationship. Imagine your ideal spouse. Now, think of a song that you think perfectly illustrates that relationship, or that person and put it in the comments below.

Also, if you'd like, consider where your at with relationship's right now and come up with a song for that as well. Feel free to post anything (appropriate) that you find in the comment thread.

Monday, July 20, 2015

A Conversation Between Monday and Friday

This is a beautiful story!! Especially for all the girls out there. Don't settle for the party! Find someone who will keep and cherish you.

(originally posted by Stephen Palmer)
Sisters Monday and Friday were sitting on Father Time’s front porch swing one evening when Monday burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” asked Friday.

“I’m depressed,” wailed Monday.

“You always are,” Friday said. “What is it this time?”

“Nobody likes me. Everyone always talks about how much they hate me. In fact, someone just told me, ‘If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays.’ Nobody wants me.

“I wish I could be more like you. Everyone loves you. Everyone can’t wait to see you.

“I’m ugly and boring and depressing and stupid. You’re the fun one that everyone wants to be with. You’re bright and shiny and beautiful and exciting. Everyone feels best when they’re around you. No one can stand to be around me, and as soon as I come around, they try to avoid me.

“I just want to be loved. I’ll do anything to have someone love me like they love you.”

Monday was too consumed with her own grief to notice a tear trickling down Friday’s cheek.

Friday took Monday’s hand, and Monday looked up through her tears.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Friday said. Monday nodded.

“I’ve always wished I could be more like you.”

Monday was stunned. “What? Why?”

“It’s true that I’ve always been more popular than you. But you’ve never seen the reality of that. I always attract the wrong guys whose love for me is fickle and superficial. They use and abuse me. They don’t really love me for me. They just want to have fun with me. Sure, I’ve had plenty of flings. But they always end up leaving me. I’ve never had a deep and lasting relationship with anyone.

“My beauty is skin deep. But yours is deep.”

“What do you mean?” Monday asked.

“It’s not true that everyone hates you,” Friday said. “It just looks that way. But what you’ve never seen, which is so painfully obvious to me, is that you attract the right guys who love you for the right reasons.

“I attract the guys who hate their jobs and their lives. They just want to have fun with me to escape. You attract the guys who love their lives and their vocations. You attract the most interesting, creative, innovative, productive, and dynamic people — the ones who have found their Soul Purpose, who have tapped into their gifts and who develop and use them in service to the world. The best guys are the ones who can’t wait to see you, not me.

“I’ve observed how you’ve never even noticed them because you’re so consumed with the guys who hate you. But I would give anything to have a relationship with one of the guys who love you. They will never leave you for a more beautiful day. They are the ones who will always be in love with you, who will always be there for you.

“Don’t you see it? The guys who can’t wait to see me haven’t found themselves. The guys who can’t wait to see you may be few, but they are the ones worth spending time with. Trust me, you don’t want a relationship with the guys who love me. Underneath all their fun-loving talk, they’re really just miserable.”

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Words of Wisdom from the Wise

Here is a talk that a man much more knowledgeable than I gave. He gives a lot of sage advice and meaningful counsel that helped me, and I hope it can help you.

Many years ago, after World War II, I was attending college. There I met Donna Smith. About that time I read that two essential ingredients to a successful marriage are a cookie and a kiss. I thought that was a pretty good balance.
I attended college in the morning and then went back to Brigham City to work in my father’s auto-repair garage in the afternoon. Donna’s last morning class was home economics. I stopped by her classroom before leaving. The door had a frosted glass window, but if I stood close to the glass, she could see my shadow outside. She would slip out with a cookie and a kiss. The rest is history. We were married in the Logan Temple, and that began the great adventure of our lives.
Over the years I have frequently taught an important principle: the end of all activity in the Church is to see that a man and a woman with their children are happy at home, sealed together for time and for all eternity.
In the beginning:
“The Gods went down to organize man in their own image, in the image of the Gods to form they him, male and female to form they them.
“And the Gods said: We will bless them. And the Gods said: We will cause them to be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it” (Abraham 4:27–28).
And so the cycle of human life began on this earth as “Adam knew his wife, and she bare unto him sons and daughters, and they began to multiply and to replenish the earth.
“And … the sons and daughters of Adam began to divide two and two in the land, … and they also begat sons and daughters” (Moses 5:2–3).
The commandment to multiply and replenish the earth has never been rescinded. It is essential to the plan of redemption and is the source of human happiness. Through the righteous exercise of this power, we may come close to our Father in Heaven and experience a fulness of joy, even godhood. The power of procreation is not an incidental part of the plan; it is the plan of happiness; it is the key to happiness.
The desire to mate in humankind is constant and very strong. Our happiness in mortal life, our joy and exaltation are dependent upon how we respond to these persistent, compelling physical desires. As the procreative power matures in early manhood and womanhood, very personal feelings occur, in a natural way, unlike any other physical experience.
Ideally, mating begins with romance. Though customs may vary, it flourishes with all the storybook feelings of excitement and anticipation, even sometimes rejection. There are moonlight and roses, love letters, love songs, poetry, the holding of hands, and other expressions of affection between a young man and a young woman. The world disappears around the couple, and they experience feelings of joy.
And if you suppose that the full-blown rapture of young romantic love is the sum total of the possibilities which spring from the fountains of life, you have not yet lived to see the devotion and the comfort of longtime married love. Married couples are tried by temptation, misunderstandings, financial problems, family crises, and illness, and all the while love grows stronger. Mature love has a bliss not even imagined by newlyweds.
True love requires reserving until after marriage the sharing of that affection which unlocks those sacred powers in that fountain of life. It means avoiding situations where physical desire might take control. Pure love presupposes that only after a pledge of eternal fidelity, a legal and lawful ceremony, and ideally after the sealing ordinance in the temple are those procreative powers released in God’s eye for the full expression of love. It is to be shared solely and only with that one who is your companion forever.
When entered into worthily, this process combines the most exquisite and exalted physical, emotional, and spiritual feelings associated with the word love. That part of life has no equal, no counterpart, in all human experience. It will, when covenants are made and kept, last eternally, “for therein are the keys of the holy priesthood ordained, that you may receive honor and glory” (D&C 124:34), “which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever” (D&C 132:19).
But romantic love is incomplete; it is a prelude. Love is nourished by the coming of children, who spring from that fountain of life entrusted to couples in marriage. Conception takes place in a wedded embrace between husband and wife. A tiny body begins to form after a pattern of magnificent complexity. A child comes forth in the miracle of birth, created in the image of its earthly father and mother. Within its mortal body is a spirit able to feel and perceive spiritual things. Dormant in that mortal body of this child is the power to beget offspring in its own image.
“The spirit and the body are the soul of man” (D&C 88:15), and there are spiritual and physical laws to obey if we are to be happy. There are eternal laws, including laws relating to this power to give life, “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated” (D&C 130:20). These are spiritual laws which define the moral standard for mankind (see Joseph Smith Translation, Romans 7:14–15 [in the Bible appendix]; 2 Nephi 2:5;D&C 29:34; 134:6). There are covenants which bind, seal, and safeguard and give promise of eternal blessings.
Alma admonished his son Shiblon, “See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love” (Alma 38:12). A bridle is used to guide, to direct, to restrain. Our passion is to be controlled. When lawfully used, the power of procreation will bless and will sanctify (seeTeachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph F. Smith[1998], 158).
Temptations are ever present. Because the adversary cannot beget life, he is jealous toward all who have that supernal power. He and those who followed him were cast out and forfeited the right to a mortal body. “He seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:27). He will tempt, if he can, to degrade, to corrupt, and, if possible, to destroy this gift by which we may, if we are worthy, have eternal increase (see D&C 132:28–31).
If we pollute our fountains of life or lead others to transgress, there will be penalties more “exquisite” and “hard to bear” (D&C 19:15) than all the physical pleasure could ever be worth.
... The only legitimate, authorized expression of the powers of procreation is between husband and wife, a man and a woman, who have been legally and lawfully married. Anything other than this violates the commandments of God. Do not yield to the awful temptations of the adversary, for every debt of transgression must be paid “till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing” (Matthew 5:26).
Nowhere is the generosity and mercy of God more manifest than in repentance.
Our physical bodies, when harmed, are able to repair themselves, sometimes with the help of a physician. If the damage is extensive, however, often a scar will remain as a reminder of the injury.
With our spiritual bodies it is another matter. Our spirits are damaged when we make mistakes and commit sins. But unlike the case of our mortal bodies, when the repentance process is complete, no scars remain because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The promise is: “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42).
... For now I offer this comfort: God is our Father! All the love and generosity manifest in the ideal earthly father is magnified in Him who is our Father and our God beyond the capacity of the mortal mind to comprehend. His judgments are just; His mercy without limit; His power to compensate beyond any earthly comparison. “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable” (1 Corinthians 15:19).
Reverently now I use the word temple. I envision a sealing room and an altar with a young couple kneeling there. This sacred temple ordinance is much more than a wedding, for this marriage can be sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, and the scriptures declare that we “shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions” (D&C 132:19). I see the joy that awaits those who accept this supernal gift and use it worthily.
Sister Donna Smith Packer and I have been side by side in marriage for nearly 70 years. When it comes to my wife, the mother of our children, I am without words. The feeling is so deep and the gratitude so powerful that I am left almost without expression. The greatest reward we have received in this life, and the life to come, is our children and our grandchildren. Toward the end of our mortal days together, I am grateful for each moment I am with her side by side and for the promise the Lord has given that there will be no end.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

To Kiss, or Not to Kiss

John Bytheway shared some excellent thoughts about the worth of kisses is his book A Crash Course in Teenage Survival. In a section called, "What Do Kisses Mean?" he shared a poem that I thought fit very nicely with the theme of this blog. (If you'd like to read the whole section, it's really great! Here's the link.)

Kisses
by Alvin W. Jones III

The more the dollar is printed, the less each one is worth.
And so it is with kisses you’ve given since your birth.

The value of your kisses, a sample cannot measure,
Nor is your kiss more worthy if it’s said to give one pleasure.

The more and more you give away, the better your kiss is known.
And to all the world, your kiss is cheap, and your affection shown.

But if you save your kisses, no matter what the cost,
You’ll find as time moves forward, a chance you’ve saved, not lost!

Then when you find the one you love, with whom you’ll live life through,
Think of the worth of a perfect kiss, if saved for only you.


John Bytheway continues,
"Save your kisses; you may need them one day. Look forward to that wedding day, and plan for it. How do you want to feel as you kneel at the altar? How do you want to feel about your past when you’re looking into the eyes of your new husband or wife? Well, you can make it happen just the way you want if you plan it now!"

Keep your standards high. Choose to save your kisses for your eternal companion. And when that day comes, you will be ever more grateful that you chose to wait for that special moment!

Friday, May 8, 2015

Stay within the Lines!

Love this blog!  So needed.  Step forward.  Make the commitment.

A video keeps coming to mind that I have felt I needed to share once I found out about this blog.

Elder Holland states in it:
"In almost all athletic contest...there are lines drawn on the floor or on the field within which every participant must stay in order to compete.  Well, the Lord has drawn lines of worthiness for those called to labor with him in this work."

 "You face his influence at a younger and younger age..."
"You cannot travel down forbidden paths and expect to guide others down the straight and narrow one... it cannot be done."
The standards of God are clear:
 Developing serious relationships too early in life can limit the number of other people you meet and can perhaps lead to immorality.--"For the Strength of Youth" from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
Elder Holland continues:

"This is a life and death contest we are in!!!  The game is close and victory means everything!
We need young men (and women!) already on the team to STAY on it and stop dribbling out of bounds just when you need to get in the game and play your hearts out!"

Don't play with the boundaries of "what is permitted," my friends.  When you chose to do something counter to the counsel of God, you are listening to someone else.  And he doesn't love you like God does.

Others are watching you.  Where once you may have made commitments and are now going contrary to those, people are watching and questioning and wondering.  "Well, if so and so does this..."

I love what Elder Holland says:
"Unbind your tongues and watch your words work wonders in the lives of those who are kept from the truth because they know not where to find it!  With all there is to do along the path to eternal life, we need a lot more people [opening] that gate and helping them through it."
You can do miracles if you stay within the lines.  Don't play with those lines.  Enjoy this time of life...a time to get to know a lot of people!  Don't lie to yourself if you find yourself pairing off, justifying that if you "go on a date with someone else" or you "talk to other people, too" you are not pairing off, when you and everyone around you knows you are developing a relationship of preference with just one person. 

Enjoy the freedom that comes with doing God's will whole-heartedly and 
watch your influence spread! :)

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Sitting Down Games!

Here are some fun group games!

"WINK"
SETUP: Divide the group into two (ideally, with almost half girls, and only one more boy-- if it's a group date than a girl can supervise :))
Set up a circle of chairs for the girls and one empty one. There should be a boy behind each chair.

RULE: Boys, keep your eyes on the girl in front of you. DO NOT look around at anyone or anything else. Also, keep your hands on the top of the chair.

OBJECT: Boys--To keep a girl in your chair :). Girls-- To get out of the chair without your boy catching you.

PLAY: The boy with the empty chair is allowed to look around at the other girls. As he looks around at them he winks at one. That girl then tries to get out of her chair as quickly as possible. The boy reaches out when he sees that she's moving and gently grabs her shoulders.
If the girl escapes, she sits in the empty seat. Then the boy she left looks up and tries to 'wink' a girl out of her seat.

PSYCHIATRIST
OBJECT: Psychiatrist-- Guess the sickness. Patients-- Keep the Psychiatrist from guessing the sickness.

PLAY: One person (you can have two if you want to implement the buddy system :)) leaves the room. They are the Psychiatrist. Everyone else is now a patient
Everyone else decides what the sickness is. ie-- When the Psychiatrist asks a question that starts with "Does" the girls rub their elbows. Or; whenever someone stands up give your neighbor a high five. Just random things like that :).
The Psychiatrist comes back in and asks the patients yes/no questions until (s)he guesses the sickness. Ideas for questions: "Does your sickness involve movement?" "Are you responding to words I'm saying?/Things I'm doing?" etc.

PERSON-PLACE-THING / TELEPHONE CHARADES
OBJECT: Communicate the chosen "Person-Place-Thing" actions.

PLAY: Three people (People 1, 2, and 3) leave the room. The remaining people chose a person, place, and thing (Hitler, airport, and pencil; or Santa, Brazil, and roller coaster). Then Person 1 comes in.
Person 1 points to another person and asks them to act out the "Person" (ie, Hitler). That person will act it out Charade style. Then Person 1 points to a second person, then a third, and those people act out the other words.
Then Person 2 comes in and says, "Will you act out the 'person.'" Then Person 1 does exactly what the person who acted out 'person' did--whether they understand what they're doing or not. Then Person 1 will show Person 2 the other two actions.
Finally, Person 3 comes in and sees all of the actions (being told "This is the Person," "This is the Place," etc.) and Person 3 guesses what the original words were.
If they can't get it, then Person 1 will act out the word in question. It Person 3 still can't get it, then the first person will act it out.
(I hope that makes sense. It's a slightly confusing game to explain :S).

I hope you have fun with these!
:D

Monday, May 4, 2015

Acknowledging the Elephant!

Sometimes couples think they're being subtle. But here's the secret-- "You're Not!"
If people catch on that there's a couple in the room, they start to notice everything they do together.
"Oh, he sat by her!" "Oh, she's helping him with his music!" "Oh, they're eyes are meeting!" 
It's the honest truth. Trust me, I'm in that situation all the time :S

But usually no body says anything. People just "ignore" it. But it's that scenario when you're trying so hard not to think about something that eventually it's all you can think about.
It's as if there's an elephant in the room but no one wants to admit it.



So what do you do when there is "an elephant in the room"?

Here's a fun idea. It can be a code; either say something with the word "elephant" in it or make a trunk out of your arm and make an elephant noise. On that signal, everyone who understands will get up and go do something fun in another room (hopefully taking the rest of the people as well).
Then the couple can have time and space to do what they want, but no one else has to feel uncomfortable. In fact, then everyone else can have fun!
But always be sure you are sensitive to people's feelings. ("The Damsel" made an excellent comment on when not to do this, and other things.)

Sunday, May 3, 2015

"Confessions of a Steady Dater"


Confessions of a Steady Dater

Name Withheld

I didn’t understand why we couldn’t be boyfriend/girlfriend. What was the big deal, anyway?





I never considered myself someone who compromised her standards. I didn’t wear immodest clothing or miss church on Sunday. I went to early-morning seminary every day, and being tempted to use bad language was never a problem for me. But dating was different.

Jonathan* and I first met at a summer youth camp. I was friendly, sure, but not really interested in him. Throughout the weeklong camp, we became little more than acquaintances and, at the end of the week, we got each other’s contact information. The camp was outside the state I lived in, so when I learned that he lived not only in the same state but also in a neighboring stake, I was kind of surprised. I was even more surprised when I received an email from him a few months later.

We began exchanging emails. I didn’t see him very often because he lived an hour and a half away, but we maintained a steady friendship for months. Neither he nor I was 16 yet, so going on dates wasn’t even on our minds.

It’s Official

Several months later, we saw each other again at the same summer youth camp. By that time, we were both 16. Our friendship progressed, and by the end of the camp, I was sad to see him leave. After we got home, we began talking even more frequently, and a few months later, we were officially dating.

At first, everything was fine. We would take turns driving to see each other twice a month. I became very close to his family, and he with mine. We spent hours talking on the phone or on the Internet every night.

I justified our dating: we were both 16, we lived an hour and a half apart so nothing bad would happen, and even though For the Strength of Youth says to “avoid going on frequent dates with the same person” ([2011], 4), it didn’t seem like a big deal.


Off and On Again

Though we maintained a physical distance, we quickly became emotionally close. After over a year of dating, I felt like we’d grown too close, and I broke it off. I later learned that this had nearly destroyed him emotionally.

We didn’t talk to each other much for almost a year. But when we both started attending the same college, it wasn’t long until we were talking again. I soon realized how much I missed him, and I regretted my decision to break up with him.

Soon we were dating again. And because we had dated steadily in high school despite the counsel not to, our relationship progressed even faster than it had before. We saw each other every day, and I became emotionally captivated. We talked seriously about marriage and a future life together. After just a few months, I was certain that I would wait for him while he was on his mission and that we would get married after.

A Not-So-Happy Ending

A few weeks before he received his mission call, I visited him in his hometown. I had just gone through one of the worst weekends of my life, and I looked forward to seeing him. When I got to his house, I noticed he was acting a little strange, but I didn’t think much of it. He wanted to go for a drive, which wasn’t unusual, but I felt uneasy. After driving for a little bit, we stopped.

“I don’t think we should date anymore,” he said.

I was stunned.

He went on. He told me he didn’t love me anymore and that he didn’t want to marry me when he got back from his mission—he didn’t even want to date me.

I left feeling angry, upset, frustrated, but mostly just heartbroken. I cried the entire way home, angry with myself for investing two years in someone who ended up not loving me.

For months I didn’t let go. I held onto the idea that he would change—that suddenly he would love me again, just as suddenly as he had decided that he didn’t. I couldn’t concentrate on classes. I wouldn’t let myself have fun. I constantly felt hurt and depressed.

During that time, I studied the scriptures more than I ever had before and prayed fervently every day asking for help through this trial. I desperately wanted the Lord to take away my pain. It didn’t go away all at once, but my pain did start to lessen. I began to let the Savior heal my broken heart. And I began to see what I had done wrong.

Standards: A Safe Guide

When we first started dating in high school, I didn’t immediately see the negative consequences of not following the guidelines in For the Strength of Youth. Life actually seemed pretty great. I was doing well in my classes, and Jonathan and I were having fun. But after we broke up, I realized what I had missed out on. I sacrificed better relationships with my family and friends because I was so focused on my relationship with Jonathan. I caused myself a lot of pain because I was too emotionally involved too young. And even though my decision to steady date as a youth hadn’t led me to violate the law of chastity, I left the relationship emotionally hurt. Had I followed the standard instead of thinking I was an exception to the rule, I could have avoided these trials.

After this experience, I learned a very valuable lesson. The Lord gives us standards not to prevent us from progressing but to guide us safely through this difficult life. I know that when we follow the standards, even if we don’t understand why they’re there, we will be protected.

More Help

For more on why you’re counseled not to steady date in your teens, see “Unsteady Dating” atlds.org/go/unsteadyNE2 and “But We Were in Love” atlds.org/go/inloveNE2.

Help with Choices

“You are beloved sons and daughters of God and He is mindful of you. … The standards in this booklet will help you with the important choices you are making now and will yet make in the future.”
First Presidency, For the Strength of Youth (2011), ii.


Ready? Steady? No

President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, has said, “Steady dating is courtship, and … courtship ought to be delayed until you have emerged from your teens” (“You’re in the Driver’s Seat,” New Era, June 2004, 8).

“But,” you say, “we’re obviously not ‘courting,’ so we’re OK.” Really? If you’re romantically interested in a person and are dating (or hanging out with) only that person,you’re steady dating, which is a natural precursor to marriage. And since you, as a teen, are not in a position to marry anytime soon, it doesn’t make sense to do this.

Inspiration for this Club

Inspiration for the Club was provided by two things:

"Eight Cousins" by Louisa May Alcott (a quick read, very worth while!)


"No Cussing Club"